GOODBYE 2011!!

I never thought I would love and hate a day so much. I have been begging for 2012 for months and now it is closely approaching I might cry. This has been the hardest year of my life and I have just sat around bitching about it. But I have to stop it, today. I hate resolutions and who the hell ever keeps them?... So I am just going to make a list of things I am going to do in 2012 with a little help from Pinterest

1. Care about myself

Joan via Tumblr

2. Wear pin curls in and don't pull my hair back before I walk in the store

Pin Curls via Vixen Vintage

3. Finish what I started. 6 months ago we bought this house.. Needless to say my kitchen looks 80% the same as it did here minus the lack of a counter top and 1/2 of the floor 

Kitchen New house

4. Dance in the rain! I use to do this every time it rained, one of the reasons I do not own and umbrella but lately I have just duck and ran. Next time I will slow down.

repinned no orginal

5. Get a new piercing

6. Live life like Lily! Just check out that rockin headband she wore it with everything for a week because she loves it.

7. Wear my own things, I have a pretty nice size vintage collection but I Never wear any of it out of the house. I love every piece I own but I don't want to "stand out" in my tiny town

Earrings I scored in November 

8. Take more pictures!! This was my only photo on last years 365

my 366

 9. Learn to blog and do it quickly! No joke I have been fighting with this one post for two days and this has taken me all day.

10. Be Happy! 

There are so many sad and upsetting things going on around me right now and every day I have a major freak out. I just need to stop, breath and be happy, 

It looks a little like Christmas...

      I am so not feeling the Christmas spirit this year, not sure if it is because I am flat broke or because my mom's 50th would have been Dec 26th. But I figured I would share a few photos of Christmas 2011 at our new house. The house if far from "done" but I hope to paint these ugly white walls around the new year.

vintage records 

My dads candles and mr. and mrs. clause i found at my grandmothers 

my grandmother ceramics 

kids art work from school

Vintage tree jars my mom kept these filled with kisses

Vintage tree #1 with shiny brites! 

  We have 3 full size trees up, yes 3! But for some reason picasa does not like me this month. Happy Holidays!

Pssh-Pssh people

        Do you ever have random strangers ask you random questions? I usually answer them back with some random bs  sweet motherly comment or keep walking because I have more things to do than get stuck in a long conversation with a random stranger. 

             Here are a few of the many questions I have been asked.

Did you Have all those kids?.. (eyes wide open)

Nope! I went to the super market store and picked them all out. 

  Yes, I have 4 children and they all come from my body.

Did you plan/choose to have two boys and two girls?..

Why yes when I went to the super market doctor he asked what preference I had. So each time I said Girl, Boy, Girl, Boy lets make it even.

 I am sure You know the real answer to this question.

Where is you husband? (yes people ask this)

Who, what? I told you I bought these kids at the market why would I have a husband!?! 

  He is usually at work during the day and sleeping at night or trying to get ready for work bc he has to leave home at 4:45-5 am everyday.

Are you done?!? I honestly answer this one; Yes! cut tied and burned. 

I could never afford any more kids and am not in the mood to call TLC so I can build a bigger house. 

Where are you from? Umm here...  

For some reason people think I am not from the south? I guess if I don't sport any camo or have Alabama signs on my car so they can't tell.

How old are you? (This is when I have no kids in tow just the baby with me) Old as dirt lets see I have an 11 year old so I can buy this rated R dvd of Halloween but I have no clue of my age. Can you do math?  

Why does she talk so much? (Asked about me from those '"Pssh-Pssh" types to other random people sitting next to them)   SECRETS DON'T MAKE FRIENDS! 

     I don't really mind people asking questions because heck, how are you supposed to learn anything if you never ask anything has to be better than the "Pssh-Pssh" people.

*This post was written for Mama Kat's Writers Workshop prompt.*

 "Create an FAQ page for yourself that answers frequently asked questions if people were to frequently ask you questions. People make those up all the time. YOUR TURN!"

I need to get off my A$$ (Word-full Wednesday)

             I really don't know what to say or do here anymore... So much has happened in the past four months and I feel like I have gotten nothing done. I have paint cans sitting on the front porch and boxes stacked to the ceiling in various corners of my "new" home. I am overwhelmed by the painting, fixing and the unpacking that needs to be done. I made the comment the other day that when we moved I left all of my domestication at the old house. H agreeing said that I don't do shit anymore. I know haven't washed a dish unless I needed it. I have had to buy 1,000 paper plates I am currently twitching my nose (it's not working) at that pile of clean laundry on the couch no one ever uses. It is all pretty sad. I want to unpack but as soon as I do I run across a photo or t-shirt and break down into tears over my mom. It really doesn't help that my Grandmother came by and unloaded all of my mothers things under my carport. I made H put everything but the photos in the shed. I don't know whats wrong with me. This move was supposed to make me happy and it has in a way but it has also made me as mad as a hornet. I hate the new school, both of my honor roll students are bring home test grades that are D's and I don't know what to do about it. I like the fact I know where I am going when I need to go somewhere. My aunt has moved closer to us which is pretty nice seeing how the girls love to spend time with her. But something just feels off. At least at the old house I didn't know anyone so I didn't mind being home all day or not seeing grown-ups but now we are close to everyone and we still don't see them or talk to out friends who live 15 minutes from us now. It also might be the fact that I hate at least one half of all the couples that we know or the fact that I am not a day time drinker (if any) that some people tend to be. It just feels like I am living in a big mess of drama and junk. So I guess I better go fake clean the kitchen and stop bitching about everything and just do it! 

Out with the old in with the new!!!

I have said this 1,000 times! But this is it, new house, new town, new birth year and school year! I am going to start over and change a few things up over here. But first I have 1,000 boxes to unpack. I will NEVER move again! 

          

Me

    Well as many blogs are different some are  for families, crafts, giveaways, business and some are just hodgepodge I kind feel mine is great hodgepodge. No real history or depth to who I am and what I am doing. Truth is I have no clue what I am doing. I want to find a direction a purpose with this lil thing called a blog. But how does one do that? I have zero time and zero writing skills. I guess I will start with a depth to me. I have no clue who I really am anymore.

        I am a mother of four children, I am a wife and a best friend I guess that's enough for most people. I am so mixed-up mashed-up most days, I have no clue how old I am or what color my hair is that day. I have never really fit in one group, all of my friends are different which seems normal to me until I watch a show or a movie with that group of 5-6 females that are all friends and seem to know everything about each other. I have no clue what that is like kind-of scared to ever find that one out. I feel like I have seen and experienced more than I should have at my age. I was born in a small town, spent my summers on a farm but still get called "citified" due to the fact I was raised in the city, most people say I am the most un-southern person they know, and I Still  get asked where am I from when I go anywhere in the south, which is really odd to me. Because I drink the hell out of some sweet-tea, swim in the lake and wear jeans and flip flops on Christmas. But I do not own a pair of overalls always, wear shoes outside of the house and visit the dentist every six moths. Just so you know there is a big line between redneck and southern. I do not want to be "country" but I do appreciate the open fields, dirt roads and stars in the sky. I am a big do-it-yourself-er, I hate asking for help. I am as cheap as they come, not due to money but due to the fact I know how things are made and would rather make it myself. I am into any thing vintage and hate people who don't get it. I would rather drive a 1954 Ford than a new Acura or BMW any day. I am not big on family, not sure why, I have always been like this even before my mother passed away. I talk wayy to much, I takes time to get me talking but when I do I never shut up. I dislike people who take sides on things they have no clue about and now I feel like I just wrote a personals ad. So yeah... that's me in one little post. 

What's going on..

I haven't been here in months, I shut down my shop over a month ago. I haven't been on twitter or facebook as much as I was before.  I would like to say it is because I have been busy packing or working on other things but I can't. I have just been a lazy/detracted mood. So much has been going on but I have just stood here and watched things pass me by. I am always too tired to even get dressed anymore and I know that's a sign of depression but I am not as much as depressed as I am overwhelmed. In one month my whole world has been flipped over and I still haven't figured it all out. Before my mom had passed I found a home, but I wasn't sure if we could get it due to time and money but we did and it is over 100 miles from where we are now. I am excited and very nervous all at the same time. I HATE moving and giving things away. When I was a kid we moved all the time so now I have none of my childhood things due to yard sales. I said I would never do that to my kids things, but some of this stuff is just taking up space. I also hate making the kids transfer schools, my oldest would be in a new school this year anyway so she is taking it okay but my second grader is pretty upset about it all. The new place is smaller and the boys will have to share a room, it is also an older home and will need much renovation. But that is one of those things I LOVE to do.  I am hoping my new post will be of me and some new keys in my hand. Until then I better back I have 11 days to pack 11 rooms and all the outside toys. Great fun...

  

I am still here..

This has been a very uncomfortable month/2 weeks. Many of you know I live in the south and we where hit pretty hard by the tornadoes, luckily my home was not hit but people around us have lost a great deal. Well in the middle of all that going on I was trying to help donate and distribute items to others in need. Then I took a day to rest and think only to get a phone call around 10:30 pm Friday that said "Your Mother is dead!" Not a easy way to say or hear that. So needless to say my world has been turned upside down. I keep questioning if I am even really sitting her. I can't even get into all this without having a panic attack. But it was not expected...

So between the craziness and the shock I have to close down shop until further notice. I just have way to much else going on, school is ending, I have to move and now tie up lose ends...

Whats going on...

      I am sponsoring in a giveaway over at Facebook. With the talented Kaleidoscope Art & Gifts where you can enter in her 1500 Fan Extravaganza to win your very own set of Canister Decals from Gossip Gal Gifts.

There 39 other awesome items in the giveaway. you just have to pop on over and like Kaleidoscope Art&Gifts of facebook and like the sponsors page ie, GossipGalGifts and post a nice "Hi Y'all" on both pages (something besides the boring old ""Sent By XYZ"! This is not required but why don;t you leave a nice little comment here telling me you have done so.

What I am Really mad about right now..

Gossip Gal GiftsPeekYou - Free People Search

This site should be shut down! I need a phone number and address right now

33 minutes ago · ·

• 
  
• • 
    

    PeekYou - Free People Search
    

    Here is a web address to our Privacy Pledge:
    http://www.peekyou.com/about/corporate/site/privacy_pledge/
    
    
    Also, we allow anyone to remove themselves using our online Opt Out Form, located here:
    http://www.peekyou.com/about/contact/optout/
    ...See More

    
    

    13 minutes ago ·
  • 
    

    Gossip Gal Gifts I see a full address a photo of my house plus my Private picasa pictures.
    

    8 minutes ago ·
  • 
    

    PeekYou - Free People Search PeekYou does not display full address or contact information. There is also no private web data on PeekYou. Please check your Picasa settings as we do not index or display private information (such as private Facebook data). Thanks.

Busy...

                  I fixed my blog back to its old self and gave up on the name change. I have so much going on this week I can't fool with it. I am more than freaking out because my son will be 1 friday and I don't have anything ready its just all sitting in bags on my dresser. So I am going to take a major break from Blogger-Etsy-FB and Twitter to do b-day stuff and update his room. Maybe I will have something to really blog about when I come back. 

                           

New name old me

                   So today I was going to change my blog name layout and the whole shebang but blogger hates me so I switched my GossipMom url to my other blog and this one is temporally screwed. I will explain why I did it all in my official first post. 

Giveaways and Fbook rant

          This week has just sucked. There are so many reasons why I can't even start to list them. One reason is that stupid social network. I started a fan page for my vinyl to post a few pictures and draw fans in. Well the low number of fans has made me insane! I have had a personal lamebook for years mostly to keep up with friends from school and family because I moved so far away. Once I had so many "friends" that I unfriended most of them because I didn't care to talk to them anyway. I never cared about numbers here or there. But I have noticed myself so sucked in to fan numbers I have even broken down over it. Maybe its because of the money I am losing in two giveaways that have only drawn in 2 people, I was so stupid to even put my stuff in them. Another thing that has beyond pissed me off is fam on facebook. I am not close with anyone in my fam but my dad and aunt. Therefore I don't do family at all. I recently deleted anyone who had ever made a stupid comment or sent me a pm about my status. Like really who takes that shit serious? I had an uncle bitch at my grandmother over a comment my aunt sent to me about the beach this summer and he doesn't even have a facebook! My husbands mother also found facebook this week. Lets just say I will not even accept my own mothers request and H said he is deleting his own fb. Its all a stupid mess over such a dumb page. I am thinking about just deleting both pages. I am too stressed for any of this mess. Thanks for reading my rant. I swear I am much sunnier over at GossipGalGifts. 

Free handbag...

I never to this kinda stuff but today I feel lucky... So click this link No More Rack and go like their Facebook
to find out how to get a free bag. Thanks!

                                              

Too busy...

I currently am too busy to think but you can catch me over here this week! 

I think I have a problem...

               Not couponing has to be what it is like to stop a drug... I have been searching the house all over for a free diapers and wipes coupon knowing after I find it I will have to drive 20 miles to Winn-Dixie. Its driving me nuts though. I also made a CVS plan 6 times but I know I am not going. I think I may need to start smoking or something, that seems to waste a lot of time for people. I need to focus on all these half done crafts but every time I start on them I think of another project to do. I may have ADD but I swear I never had it before I had my last child.

                  Speaking of my ADD and the baby boy I have to get things ready for his birthday. I have been talking about it all year and have not gotten anything done. I sent an email to a park to have it there because having it at home will stress me out to the max. I don't have time to do all the cleaning and fixing that I would want done before my family showed up at my house. I feel kind of bad wasting money to rent a park and not having one at home because everyone else has had a birthday at home and this would be his first but I guess it would be okay to try something new. The park is really cute it's by the a lake and there is indoor pluming, that's a plus. So I may do the fish theme with the lake/river reference with his his middle name being Riverson and all. I like the idea of having a goldfish snacks and nautical looking decor. I also may be driving myself crazy talking about it and not doing it. I have to book that park Monday and get invitations out this week. So I better run off and make them. 

 

                   

If i could buy a billboard ad for this site I would..

PTLS << don't do it! 

Blah

I am in kind of a bad mood today. But here is a link to my sad lil etsy page bc I have nothing else to say.. GossipGalGifts

Just Jump?!?

                I have a problem I never finish anything! I have an office that is so full of supplies that you would think I was super crafty. Well am I kind-of crafty but I never make more than two of everything for my girls then I start on a new project. I always get stopped when one of the girls has on a bow or something that I have made but I don't think I enjoy making them. I have done tons of other crafts and I am pretty sure everyone on my daughters school friends has something that I have made them. So I had tossed around the idea of starting an Etsy page but for some reason I never did. I always make a banner, think of a name and take tons of photos but never hit SELL. But today I did, I only posted two things because I pretty much just customize other things for now. I have had a few friends and family members ask how to buy items from me but I had no secure way to tell them. So now I am up and running, I feel like I am my biggest critic though so I am not sharing it here. I just wanted to tell someone..  

Why do I get the shakes when I coupon?

                   Sometime last month I mentioned I was going to not spend any money, well I kinda failed at that. But I did deal search and only paid 62 cents for 3 packs of tp & 3 things of dish soap I also scored a few free items. But now I have a mini stock pile and I have no desire to be a hoarder I am already getting kind-of close to one. So as crazy as this will sound to stockpiling moms I am going to not buy any tp, dish soap or shampoo in March. I like the deals I get couponing but I hate how crazy it makes me! I always seem to start shaking and getting confused when it comes time to check out, I also drove 20 miles to get free finish. I saved $184.00 yesterday and spent around $60 not including the crazy gas prices! But now I have 3 boxes of finish, 1 bottle of cascade, 9 bottles of dish liq, 4 packs of tp & well over 300 diapers (I only paid around to $26 for all of those items) But I am looking a bit crazy and running out of room. I also have to find a way to get my husband to stop spending so much. I swear him going to work cost more than he gets paid, between gas, lunch and him smoking he seems to spend close to $100 a week. In March we have a 1st birthday party to plan then Easter for 4 kids and after Easter we will have another b-day. Plus I have a $600.00 power bill to pay I am not sure why it is even that high because the heat wasn't even on half the month when the stupid breaker blew. But after Sunday I Have to stop spending and start saving for a vacation ,we haven't had one in over two years. Do any of you coupon? Does it make you crazy or is it just me? 

Sit Down and Shut up!

             In Jr high I was nicked named Chatty Cathy but now I only talk/yell to the dryer and the dog.... It is all kinda sad. This week I have nothing at all to post about, I was going to make some big crazy protest about the nonsense I heard on a radio show that said women who wear sweats and tees don't care about their relationship anymore but I am pretty sure I have stomped down that road before. Yet my husband agreed and that's just a whole other fight waiting to happen. But I don't wear "sweats" so they can all stfu. I think I am now too pissed off to post.

                       

Never gonna give up....

        Seeing how no one reads this page anyway I am going to talk to myself in this one. 

 I have only one month to do over 1,000 things. Sad thing is I am doing them all on my own. Yes I don't have a paying job away from home but I so get tired and burnt out really quickly, I don't know if it is the PTLS or weight gain after it but I can't do anything like I used to. I am going to have to break this really long list into weeks. 

Week #1: Rewash and tag items for consignment 

                Clean out office again!

                Find boxes

                Set  up etsy shop

                Clean out kitchen cabinets

Week #2 Plan and send out invites for ds b-day

                Buy gifts for b-day

                Start cleaning the pool (must be done by week 3)

                Paint room & dresser

                

Week#3 Buy new bed for ds room,set-up

              Make party decor

              Teach ds how to walk

              Pick up left over items from sale, donate 

              Buy new couch

              

Week#4 Clean. clean, cook, cook,cook, run, run, run and try not to hurt anyone in the process. 

*I must also lose this extra 20lbs I have carried around all year.*

R E S P E C T

                    

                   I am not a "Blogger" I would if anything call myself a "Twitter-er". But I do read several blogs about a large variety of things; food, vintage finds, crafting, and mommy-hood make up most of the blogs I read. I am honestly not a fan of some of the "Mom Blogs" (I quote that because some are fun and silly they talk about how a 3 year old smeared red lipstick all over the freshly painted walls and some are just pointless and have followers that think they are a gods just because a few badges on their page.) I know being a non-blogger that a lot of bs comes from freedom of speech and I am not trying to judge anyone here most of my ramblings are my failed attempted at humor. But I came across something today that just ticked me off a little too much. I know we all come from different backgrounds but I am pretty sure we all understood the word Respect in grade school.

                     I was raised to say Yes ma'am , No ma'am, please and thank you to everyone. I still do it today to complete strangers or people who may be younger than me but if they are serving me I will always be courteous.  They have that job not only to make money but to serve you, some people actually even enjoy it. When I was a teen I waited tables and loved it! I wasn't worried about smelling like pizza grease all day. I liked meting new people from different walks of life. This one time I meet a 7 year old girl whose dad was hearing impaired, she taught me more about signing and she was such an awesome little girl. She translated everything for her father even her little brothers hyper 4 year old ramblings. They became regulars it was like seeing family once a week and I already knew what they wanted. But that wasn't why I started waiting tables, it was because I had bills to pay and mommy & daddy were not going to just give me everything I wanted. I was old enough to take care of myself. Even now I am a full time SAHM I am still proud to say I can wait circles around a table. I think it helped shape who I am today. It is also kinda fun once you get the lingo down. But that is not my point here its about how shallowness brings others down, how people can speak of/to waiters, cashiers,auto mechanics, nurses and other blue collar people who bring them food, change their oil or draw their blood? Because I know those are the people that I would not want to be rude to or piss off. So instead of an ugly drama filled comment that ends in random twitter bashing I will just unfollow the blogs of shallow people and shake my head. I will also remind myself why I teach my children to be respectful and that a person is a human with a heart and feelings, they didn't ask for you to judge them because of their job or what age they had a child. I also suggest others to stick to what your grandmother should have taught you... If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all.

              Now I have to leave this post with something less ugly for the rest of your day. 

                                                            One of our lil pups! Say Aww!

I need Help!

              Yes I know your response is, "I'm not a Doctor!" I will find one of them on a later date.

  As I have stated a few times around twitter I am trying to start a handmade business, I have tried to do this a few times but never went anywhere with it. Well now I have to I jumped in head first and I do not want to drown. I am starting a party supplies type business with cards, banners, cake toppers, glassware and more. But I have no clue what to name it. I would really love your suggestions in the comments. I will try to post pictures of some items by the end of this week. Here are some things about me to give you a few ideas.

My nickname is Lou

I love cherries, strawberries, aqua, red, peace signs, hearts, sun, summer, parties, life, cars, cats.

I will be using card stock, vinyl, glassware, bins, boxes, pails. 

 That is about all I can think of right now. I am trying to pick a name by Friday. Thanks for your help!

        

Wordless Wednesday???

Yes you are in the right place. I usually post a Wordful Wednesday but this is the current temp inside my house.

Am I the only one?

   So today I unfollowed a person on twitter. I feel kind-of bad but I could honestly careless. I did it for two reasons, #1 everyone thinks she is a blogging god and quite frankly I think she is boring and fake. You know those fake people who are always happy about nothing or always sad yet have everything in the world. And #2 is she has a stupid real name. Yes I have a problem over something so silly but it is true. I have around 7 names that I will not be friends with. The crazy thing is not just one person has screwed the name up every person I have ever met with those names are like that. It kind of reminds me of this>>


Am I the only person like this? I also tend to have a good number of friends with the same name as me or my sisters. People I honestly never even knew their real name until after the fact. Maybe I am just crazy..

Once again PTLsucks!

                    I have posted this once before but some how in the middle of screwing up my blog I lost it. I usually would not re-post a topic but I had a good bit of feed back about it and it is a very close topic to me. Since the original posting on this topic I have talked to many more mothers that have stories very close to mine. Some women did not even think anything about these symptoms due to their Dr telling them it was just PPD or they are getting older. Here is my story:
                       
                  In spring of 2009 I was perfectly healthy at 5'2" & around 150lbs not tiny but active. I had also been a stay at home mom for around 4 years and had a 2 year old so I wasn't out of the house as much as others but I liked to I walk and run sometimes twice a day. From March to September you could find me swimming, tanning and at the park full of energy. I also never had any blood pressure or blood sugar problems. With my first pregnancy I had slight high blood pressure but it was just in the last few weeks. With the next two children I had no problems at all. My third child was born at 40 weeks and 4 days weighing 8lbs and 2oz.
                      In August of 09 I found out I was expecting, I was only worried  about the economy and the fact we have never been very secure with money. But I wasn't worried about the health of the baby due to my last two pregnancies being great. But after 20 weeks I started to have high blood pressure and failed my gestational diabetes test. I managed my blood sugar but the bp didn't really go down. With the stress of baby's health and only one parent working we decided that four is enough. I did some research and knew I wasn't big on taking pills and my insurance wouldn't cover much but it would cover a tubal ligation. I researched Tubal Ligation on Google. I didn't get many bad facts. It was mostly MD sites talking about the process.


I asked my Dr about all of my worries like being able to breastfeed and having problems with my cycle, he assured me it was fine and he does 5 or more a day. So I figured what the heck. I wanted to be able to be with my husband without any worries. I also hate rubbers. I just feel like it is a one night stand or something. I had two friends of mine have their tubes done and they seemed okay. I asked one girl via facebook and she just said she had some cycle problems in the first few months but nothing else. So I went in a few days before I was 37 weeks to have a c-section because my blood pressure was a bit high. The Dr asked me right before if I still wanted to do it and I said yes. ( I am pretty sure you could have asked me if I wanted to name the kid Donald Duck at that time and I would have said yes.) So I went in for the c-section the baby came out healthy but he was a tiny 5lbs 7oz. Then the Dr told H to leave with the baby and they cut and clipped my tubes.
               
                   I had to go to a recovery room for a little longer than most due to the TL but I made sure the nurses brought me the baby so I could bfeed him. The baby latched but I could not sit up. They took him back and a little later I went to my room. I was given the baby and was all ready to feed him but I became emotional and couldn't feel my legs. They said maybe the spinal block hasn't worn off. I ended up falling asleep and woke up a few hours later and could not move. I took a shower and I seemed to feel a little better. After two days I could sit in a chair but not the bed I was trying to bf and the nurse said he was dropping too much weight and they gave him formula.. I was pissed but in too much pain to care. I couldn't figure out why bc I had already had 2 c-sections with no problems I had been up dressed and walking with others within 24hours. The next day the Dr came in around 6am and told me not carry a diaper bag or purse on my sides but I was looking good. I was lost and still mad about the bfing. A Lactation nurse finally came in as I was getting ready to leave the hospital. She put me on a pump and I pumped some but not like I should be by day 3. I went home with a pump. But wasn't having any luck. I called the Dr and he wouldn't give me meds to increase my breast milk bc they cause depression. Which was another random problem I started to have. I cried all day and night. They even made me leave the hospital with meds but I wouldn't take them. They made me feel lifeless. I had no in between..

                    At my 9wk check up I didn't even see the Dr just a nurse. She said everything looked fine. Yet I was standing right in front of her crying. After 3 months I was still trying to pump but I was having to mix it with formula. I ended up going to a wic office to try a different pump and talk to someone. She said that she has seen many mothers who could not bf at all after TL. So it wasn't just me. I was still only getting 2oz every 2/3 hours and pumping was killing me I had to take care of the other kids and wanted some sleep. I went out of town and forgot a part to my pump. Then it was over. By the time I made it home nothing was happening. I hated it and how stressed I was over it. I also still had a cycle, it was very painful I had never had cramps or anything like it. I figured after I stopped bfing I would feel better emotionally but I didn't I had cramps that lasted a week before and during af. I would find myself eating and taking everything to control the cramps and af. Nothing was working. I literally could not sit up for weeks at a time. My hair was still falling out much more than it ever had. I also never lost a pound. I was still the same weight as I was at 37wks. I felt  bad that I had to take those rx pills just to leave the house. I felt so dis-attached from the baby. I hated my husband and could careless about my house, paying bills or anything. I hated it!

                     Then I started researching tubal reversals and found this site about PTLS (Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome).As I went down the list it all sounded too familiar it wasn't the only site after I searched for PTLS I also found tons of message boards with women asking the same questions I had. I related to over 40 symptoms on that list. Here are just a few I  have every day at 10months pp; hair loss, gums bleeding, headache, dizziness, chills, hot flashes, random rapid heart rate, fatigue even after a full nights sleep, memory loss and constant breast tenderness. I have also personally had my fillings fall out that I had gotten less than a year before. I have constant pain in my bones, RLS, pain in my ears; which I only ever had with pregnancy and problems with my blood sugar, I have sudden burst of sadness or rage which is really scary. I also had people say those are just symptoms of pms or stress. But what happened to me? I didn't even know who I was anymore. I know of one mother who gained over 200lbs after hers, one mother who had to see several Drs because she felt dis-attached from her family and didn't want to harm them, another mother who has also gained several pounds and is constantly uneasy about various issues and she finds herself waking up and worrying about things so much that it has caused problems with her family. Some have spoken to Drs some have insurance that will not allow you to see a OB after the procedure. I really wish I would have not done it I am currently not on medication but seeing and speaking to various people. Yet if I ever get the money I will have a reversal.  
*This is all just my opinion and story*

*Sorry this was so long I could probably write a book*

                                    

I don't wanna grow up...

                      Tomorrow is my husbands birthday which means 6 months from today will be mine. I honestly dread birthdays, especially my own. Its not so much the getting older part but its the gifts, stress, sadness and drama that comes with birthdays. I always try to make a big deal with the kids and my husbands birthday, we usually just stay at home but I always decorate and cook the persons favorite dinner and a cake. But it never fails to stress me out to the max. I don't care if I start planning 6 months ahead of time. By the end of it all I am sad because I end up forgetting about things like cards or taking pictures on the child's actual birthday. I also hate buying and receiving gifts. I try to keep a set number of items for each child , plus my older two have birthdays about two months before Christmas. No matter how hard I try I end up buying more crap that they do not need. 

          Maybe I should just grow up and remember that the gifts and decorations are not important but the time spent with them is what matters. Which sounds like a good idea, but the thought of that pisses me off again. Because for the past 4 years I have not seen my family on any of my kids birthdays. Its always just our kids H and maybe one friend of my oldest daughter. (I really don't know anyone that lives near me.) I know I am the one who moved away but it is still sounds unfair especially to the kids that were born after we moved. When my oldest two kids were younger we always had big parties and everyone came. For a few years we still went down to see my family but now that we have 4 kids it just doesn't happen anymore. I can't stay at any one's house due to room and a hotel is more money down the drain. I just really hate all of it, maybe I am just generally bitching about nothing.

                     

      

AHHH!!!

          I am wayyy too busy for life. I don't know how to control it. If anyone has tips on how to eat, breath, fix this blog, coupon, sew, cook, clean, shop, feed and bathe kids without my head just popping right off please share them with me! Thanks in advance.

PS: I really don't even have to make time to eat or sleep as long as my dang kids can make it to school on time in the AM.