I don't wanna grow up...

                      Tomorrow is my husbands birthday which means 6 months from today will be mine. I honestly dread birthdays, especially my own. Its not so much the getting older part but its the gifts, stress, sadness and drama that comes with birthdays. I always try to make a big deal with the kids and my husbands birthday, we usually just stay at home but I always decorate and cook the persons favorite dinner and a cake. But it never fails to stress me out to the max. I don't care if I start planning 6 months ahead of time. By the end of it all I am sad because I end up forgetting about things like cards or taking pictures on the child's actual birthday. I also hate buying and receiving gifts. I try to keep a set number of items for each child , plus my older two have birthdays about two months before Christmas. No matter how hard I try I end up buying more crap that they do not need. 

          Maybe I should just grow up and remember that the gifts and decorations are not important but the time spent with them is what matters. Which sounds like a good idea, but the thought of that pisses me off again. Because for the past 4 years I have not seen my family on any of my kids birthdays. Its always just our kids H and maybe one friend of my oldest daughter. (I really don't know anyone that lives near me.) I know I am the one who moved away but it is still sounds unfair especially to the kids that were born after we moved. When my oldest two kids were younger we always had big parties and everyone came. For a few years we still went down to see my family but now that we have 4 kids it just doesn't happen anymore. I can't stay at any one's house due to room and a hotel is more money down the drain. I just really hate all of it, maybe I am just generally bitching about nothing.