The past few weeks have been kind of crazy. But I think I have figured it all out. Life is always going to be a little nuts. Between kids, work, home, hobbies and the weather you are bound to have a bad day. But don't turn that bad day into a bad week/month/year. I have always done that and it stops now. I quit roller derby about a month ago and all I did was lay in the bed and on the couch when I wasn't cooking, cleaning or chasing a baby around. I felt like me wanting to skate made others in my house mad. My kids would give me a guilt trip when I couldn't take them and my husband would get ill when I took the older kids and he had to watch the baby. Then, when I did go to regular practice I ended up leaving in tears, I felt unwanted and bullied. Which was going on but we found a resolution to that problem. I did not feel good about any of it so I tried to quit thinking about derby all together. I removed myself from the team, the boards, my friends and my skates. It was hard, most of my friends skate and I couldn't even talk to them without it coming up. Then I hung up the phone crying, that lasted about 2 weeks.
Then I focused on my home; rearranging, cleaning and throwing stuff away. I am still not done but feel better about it. I wanted to focus on the kids and get them doing something they want to do away from home. They have always been home bodies and that just isn't healthy for any of us. I have been begging them to join a sport for years but they all said no-way, but somehow it all fell into place this month. The oldest joined band on her own, the middle son joined cub scouts (this should be fun) and baby girl is going to check out the Daisy scouts next week. I have never really had the time or money to get them into anything when they were younger (so I say) but I think it was because I was never asked or forced to do anything as a child. Not sure why not. I wanted to join clogging (lol) and was in jr band but never stuck to it. My parents paid for the instrument/s but never held me to playing them. I am not sure what to do with the husband just yet. We need to work together and not against each other which is not going so well. It's hard to make time for each other when you have 4 kids and never, ever have a sitter and when you do you just want to sleep with out interruptions.
That being said I went to skate last night. It was hard-fun-exhausting-exciting. I missed it, alot. I missed my friends, alot. So I guess I am rejoining the team. I just can't let it take over my life. Some people say Roller Derby is a drug/baby/sport/addiction, I think of it as a virus I have to ride it out to get rid of it. I also have to stick to it if I am going to tell my kids they have to stick to the activity that the have chosen. So hopefully in a month from now things will get better, we will be stronger and I will be a roller girl! I just have to turn good days into good weeks and good months!
Until next time check out that huge new picture on the team page, 1951.