Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I really don't know what to say or do here anymore... So much has happened in the past four months and I feel like I have gotten nothing done. I have paint cans sitting on the front porch and boxes stacked to the ceiling in various corners of my "new" home. I am overwhelmed by the painting, fixing and the unpacking that needs to be done. I made the comment the other day that when we moved I left all of my domestication at the old house. H agreeing said that I don't do
shit anymore. I know haven't washed a dish unless I needed it. I have had to buy 1,000 paper plates I am currently twitching my nose (it's not working) at that pile of clean laundry on the couch no one ever uses. It is all pretty sad. I want to unpack but as soon as I do I run across a photo or t-shirt and break down into tears over my mom. It really doesn't help that my Grandmother came by and unloaded all of my mothers things under my carport. I made H put everything but the photos in the shed. I don't know whats wrong with me. This move was supposed to make me happy and it has in a way but it has also made me as mad as a hornet. I hate the new school, both of my honor roll students are bring home test grades that are D's and I don't know what to do about it. I like the fact I know where I am going when I need to go somewhere. My aunt has moved closer to us which is pretty nice seeing how the girls love to spend time with her. But something just feels off. At least at the old house I didn't know anyone so I didn't mind being home all day or not seeing grown-ups but now we are close to everyone and we still don't see them or talk to out friends who live 15 minutes from us now. It also might be the fact that I hate at least one half of all the couples that we know or the fact that I am not a day time drinker (if any) that some people tend to be. It just feels like I am living in a big mess of drama and junk. So I guess I better go fake clean the kitchen and stop bitching about everything and just do it!