Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Mindless Tv and part 1..

                If you follow me on twitter you will know I watch a little bit of trash tv. I am not sure why I watch mindless television, I guess it is my only escape from my homebody life. Last night the show Teen Mom 2  premiered which is a follow up to season 2 of 16 and Pregnant. These shows always make me cry. Not only because I have a daughter, but because I was sixteen and pregnant.

           At the age of only fifteen I got pregnant. It wasn't planned and no one would have ever guessed it. I attended a public junior high, had a tons of friends and never got into any real trouble. I went to class as always and I never told a soul in my school. I managed to get medicaid for me and the baby, all it required was a form that I could return by mail. I picked out a doctor and made an appointment. All without a guardians consent. At this time my parents lived in separate houses so neither one was ever around me that much. In ninth grade I fell behind and had to fill a credit in summer school. The first day of summer school was June 12th. That morning as my mother was backing out of her drive I grabbed the shifter and I slammed the car in park. She proceeded to back up again with only giving me a look, then I did it again this went on for two more times until she finally said, "Whats wrong?" I burst into tears. Then she flat out said, "Your pregnant." not a question, a statement. She didn't seem mad or shocked it was like she knew. I will say I was not the first teen I knew who had gotten pregnant but surely the most unexpected. I honestly thought I couldn't get pregnant and he didn't,* (you know).

           One of the reasons I told my mother was because his father knew, and made it my responsibility to tell my parents also my appointment was that week. So after our short conversation that took place in the car. She went on and took me to summer school then went to work and called everyone in our family. That Friday was my appointment. I was scared to death. I had never even been to that type of doctor. As soon as I got back to his office the questions started; Did you know? How old is he? Does he know? Have you done drugs? Have you been tested? Do your parents know him? I felt like I was going to die. Then came the exam and I knew I was going to die. It was the most painful thing I had ever felt. During the exam the doctor made the remark, "I could probably feel it's head." *As of this moment my mother did not know how far along I was. But I had a pretty good idea.* After he did the exam the nurse took me to have an ultrasound to confirm how far along I was and if the child was fully developed. I saw a little black and white blob of static and heard a heartbeat that was beating almost as fast as mine. My mom wasn't in the room. I am pretty sure the doctor took her to discuss my options.

                   When I was done they gave me a few photos and a bag with tums and prenatal vitamins. I went to the front window and made my next appointment, which wasn't easy seeing how I had to make it for a time I wasn't in school and my mother could get off. After that I walked out worried anyone who saw what was in my hand would know my little secret. We got in the elevator; which is the worst place for two people who never speak to be alone it. After the door closed and we stood alone she said the question I will never forget  "You are going to give it up right?" I started crying after being as calm as I could, for what felt like a lifetime in that office. Then I started yelling at her about my older sister who she gave custody up to her father when she was only two. We proceeded to her car, she drove to my aunts house, they talked in the kitchen for what felt like hours. I went and sat by the pool until it was time to go home. I didn't speak to anyone for the rest of that night.

    *You may comment as you please. I will finish this story throughout the week.*

1 comment:

  1. Not so much as hard. It felt kind of good letting the whole story out in the open.